Saturday, December 24, 2011

Video Game Bunker - E.T.

Zero takes a look at the most infamous "worst game ever made" E.T. for the Atari 2600!
Is it really deserving of the moniker, or is there someone else to blame?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

TZ's Answering Machine

Geez! Can't you people leave me alone for 10 minutes!
(Thanks to the RU crew for your participation!)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Monday, November 7, 2011

You can see why I don't do unscripted vlogs that much.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Star Wars Jack-o-Lantern

Happy Hallowe'en!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Media Hunter Season Finale: Cat Soup

TZ and the rest of the RU Crew come to Isaac's aid in the season finale.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Monday, October 3, 2011

VLOG Oct 3, 2011 - Cell Phone Woes

My Motorola KRZR K1m cannot send nor receive text messages anymore ever since the battery died in the middle of a phone call. If anyone knows how to fix it, please leave me a message.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Gamers without Borders - Sept 24, 2011 "Borderlands"

Ozzie, Chris, and I get together to discuss Borderlands.

Nathan P Fussbudget reviews me?

Is this some sort of troll or something?

Monday, September 19, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Spazzmania Reviews

TZ here! You're probably wondering why things have been so quiet from me. Well, for the last 2 weeks, I was under contract to a company called Spazzmania to do reviews of iPad games. Unfortunately, my work wasn't up to their standards and they recently let me go, but here's the videos I did while I was working for them.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

"Dr. Claw's Dump 'n Pump" review

Dr. Claw's Dump and Pump is a strange anomaly of gaming from 1994. When it originally came out, Nintendo's censorship laws almost got it banned based purely on the proposed artwork and name.

A committee of publishers worked long and hard with the Nintendo board to get the game released with the official seal, but to no avail. Instead, the developers gave up and took the game over to Nintendo's competitor, Sega, who reluctantly released the game in limited quantities, making it one of the rarest cartridges to own. Oddly, the game has little to nothing to do with the Inspector Gadget brand, and instead is a rather inventive puzzle/action game hybrid.

You play as one of the employees of Dr. Claw, Who after making a tragic mistake involving a golf ball and a toilet, accidentally causes the executive washroom to overflow. Dr. Claw, furious with you, throws out into the sub-basement of the facility, where you're forced to clean up the mess he caused.

Your character has the ability to push boxes, climb on them, press switches, and throw his robotic claw, which allows him to cross gaps and stun enemies.

You start every stage on the bottom platform with one row of blocks beneath you. The object of each level is to shut off every malfunctioning pump mechanism before the water touches it, which will cause the entire system to short out and explode, killing you. You will also die if you fall into the water. I have no idea what's in that stuff, but it doesn't look healthy.

There is no time limit per se, just the rising water that increases every few seconds. Every time you hit a switch, the water level will decrease by 1 row, buying you some more time.

There are two types of blocks in the game, wooden crates which can be pushed by the player and will float on the surface of the water, and metal crates which will sink. In a surprising knowledge of hydrodynamic physics, pushing metal crates into the water will actually cause the water level to rise slightly.

Enemies are your standard arcade game fare: rats, bats, spiders and goblins. Rats will run back and forth on platforms, Bats will hang from the ceiling, waiting for you to come near them before dropping down to attack you. Spiders will slowly raise and lower on their webbing. Goblins are the most annoying, and will actively attempt to reach the player by climbing up and down ladders. All creatures can be defeated with the claw, except for the goblins which will only be stunned. Once the player has stunned a goblin, it can be defeated by pushing it off a platform into the water.

The game has 50 levels, and some of the later ones get pretty freaking hard. I've never been able to get past level 42 without using savestates on an emulator. Though the graphics and music are rather lacking.

It's still quite fun, despite having almost nothing to do with the Inspector Gadget brand. I honestly don't know why they didn't just call it something else, because this could have been a great game if it were just more well known. I really do recommend this title, but good luck trying to find a copy of it even on eBay.

Because the game doesn't exist. I made everything up. Based on the AVGN joke.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Commercial Failure - Top 10 favorite moments of Season 1

These are the jokes I was personally most proud of in their execution or overall effectiveness. What were some of your favorites?

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Commercial Failure - Didiseven

In the season finale, we take a look at two commercials for the same product, one from the 80's, and one from the 2000's. See you next season!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Commercial Failure - Potty Putter

Beware the water hazard!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Until WE Win - Milon's Secret Castle

LordKaT's UWW series has gone open source, so please enjoy "Until WE Win Milon's Secret Castle!"

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Gamers without Borders - June 5, 2011 "E3 Speculation"

Wire Taps

The RU Crew got together last night and watched some youtube videos. This is the result.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Commercial Failure - 3G Buffering

In this episode, I stray from form to rant about a commercial that just plain pisses me off.

Follow Dragon's Layer Productions on Facebook

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Commercial Failure - Historic Victory

This is an infomercial that started airing shortly after the election. How short? Got 5 minutes?

See more at Absolute Zero

Follow Dragon's Layer Productions on Facebook

Also viewable on YouTube

Saturday, April 30, 2011

TZ Reviews - Vanilla Ice "I Love You"

Commercial Failure will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you this special presentation. As part of a collaboration on the forums, I'm reviewing one of the music videos of Michael Bay. And boy do we have a stinkeroo today!

Be sure to tweet to ToddInTheShadows about this video! I really want him to see it.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

TZ Riffs Aladdin SNES Promotional VHS

To tide you over for the next video (It's coming soon, I promise!) Here's something I've been working on for a while, but never really fully completed. It's come to the point where I'm pretty sure I'll never really be satisfied with it, but I suppose it's worth a little chuckle.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Gamers without Borders - April 16, 2011

In this episode we discuss the Wii 2, Portal 2's Glados@Home publicity stunt, and Garry's mod pirate trap. TZ is coming off a cold, so he sounds a bit off.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Commercial Failure - Chip Wizard

Because Crisp Wizard sounded like an unprepared dragon hunter.

Super Mario Galaxy Analysis

(Original publish date, Mar 2009)

This game was a very mixed blessing. It starts off simple enough and never really gets ridiculously hard. You can easily obtain the minimum required 60 stars before the game hits the infamous "Stops being fun" wall. However, it suffers from numerous design choices that seem arbitrary and capricious. The first of which is the evil, satanic, posessed camera.

During the height of 2D gaming, the camera was a non-issue. You never even thought about it; the game showed what was on the screen and you could see it. The closest thing we had to the camera being an enemy was scrolling levels where you could get crushed behind walls, and leaps of faith where you can't see the landing. But with the onset of 3D games, the camera suddenly became a living entity. Super Mario 64 knew this and not only anthropomorphised the camera as the oft-underrated Lakitu, but gave the players full control over where it pointed. For some unknown reason, this control is missing from Super Mario Galaxy. Suddenly, full 360 degree control of the camera becomes the exception, rather than the rule.

The most frustrating aspect of this limitation is that it comes with no reason or logic behind its constraints. You will want desperately to turn the camera around in order to search for hidden ledges or line up a particularly difficult jump, only to be told "bernp!" by the sadistic little camera icon on the top right of the screen. Why? It's not like there's a tree or a wall in the way. It's just empty air! Other times, the camera will immediately swoop around to give you a different viewing angle when you're in the middle of crossing a narrow platform or trying to stick a landing. The player can usually use the C button to recenter the camera, but this too has a strange path of logic when it comes to where it believes "centered" to be. This can often mean looking up at the ground. Timed levels and Luigi's inherent lack of traction only magnify how frustrating the worst parts of the game can be.

Another issue present in this game started to develop in Super Mario 64, and continued in Sunshine and Galaxy. This is not a problem with the game itself, but the direction of the series in general. While it is not necessarily a bad thing, it is misleading. The problem comes from the concept of powerups. Super Mario Galaxy boasts numerous "powers" including Bee Mario, Boo Mario, and Spring Mario (One of the lamest powerups ever, by the way) as well as the Fire Flower, Ice Flower, and everyone's favorite, the invincibility star. While these powerups do change the way Mario moves and grants him new abilities, as well as new limitations, it's all simply a tease.

Look back in Mario's history, back to the original Super Mario Bros. How many ways were there to defeat Bowser at the end of World 1-4? If you were small, you could jump over him or run under him and grab the axe. If you were big, you could try to jump through his barage of hammers, or even simply run through the lizard directly. If you were Fire Mario, you could stand back and take him out with a few well-placed projectiles of your own. Or, if you were lucky enough to find a star near the end of the level, you could kill him that way. Super Mario Bros 3 took this idea and expanded on it even more, giving you frog suits, tanooki suits, hammer bros. suits, raccoon mario, fire mario, even super P-wing mario. The game simply gave you a goal, and didn't care how you got there.

Now look at Super Mario Galaxy. Almost every level has the exact same path through it. You solve the puzzles on one planet, or find your way through a maze or platform gauntlet in order to get to the fling star and jump to the next planet. Every powerup you recieve is only there to help you solve a puzzle. Every boss has a single correct method to defeating it, with one or two minor variations if you're lucky. Strangely enough, the flat world of Super Mario Bros. gave you more freedom than the free-roaming 3D environments of modern Mario games.

The next Mario game should get back to the series' roots like New Super Mario Bros. on the DS did. Give Mario a goal and let us find our own way to get him there.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Gamers without Borders - Special Report - March 31, 2011

In this special report episode, we take a look at Microsoft's recently-announced successor to the Xbox 360.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Commercial Failure - Couch Commander

Ahoy mateys! Crappy product off the port bow!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Video Game Bunker on C.R.I.T.I.C. TV

Video Game Bunker was chosen this week as the Forum Feature on Robert Million's C.R.I.T.I.C. TV. Thank you to everybody over at and welcome to everyone who found this site through them.

The Forum Feature segment is at 10:50, right after the puppet show (no, seriously)
Or you can view the excerpt here

Monday, March 21, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

TZ Reads "How to Win at Nintendo Games" - Castlevania/Metroid

By popular demand, it's more from How to Win at Nintendo Games by Jeff Rovin. In this installment, we look at Castlevania and Metroid.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Gamers without Borders - Episode 3 - Feb 19, 2011

Today we discuss video game piracy, the top 50 video game characters, and Gawker's new clusterf**k layout.

See more at Absolute Zero

Friday, February 18, 2011

Commercial Failure - My Lil' Reminder

Oh, if only I could forget...

(Special thanks to Gaming Pixie for the cameo!)

Monday, February 14, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Vlog 2-3-11

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Commercial Failure - Jump Snap

What do you get when you take the rope out of jump rope? That's right, you get shit!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Vlog 1-21-11

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Monday, January 10, 2011

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Somebody kill me.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011